


The Worst

by blueshine



Series: Fantasy Sams Club's Twinweek Prompts [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Childhood, Gen, Trust Issues, except they're elves so they're like......thirty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 11:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13523169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueshine/pseuds/blueshine
Summary: Taako and Lup stayed with a lot of messed up people over the years, but the Surge family was the worst.





	The Worst

Taako and Lup stayed with a lot of fucked up people over the years, but the Surge family was the _worst._

The twins hopped from caravan to caravan for thirty years before getting their first stable job. Taako always figured out who was going to betray them first, but he would never leave without Lup's approval. Even when she messed up and put trust into someone who was _obviously_ going to betray them, Taako stuck to her opinion. Never occurred to him not to.

The Surges owned a couple restaurants around town. None were fancy, but all were popular. Originally, they hired Taako and Lup as line cooks in the diner owned by the oldest Surge child. It wasn't the worst gig in the world. Steady pay. Not enough to rent good housing, but enough to eat. Didn't matter that they couldn't get a roof over their head, either, because there was a nice stone bridge fifteen minutes away that held heat well. They stole food every night and the owner was too dumb to notice. So Taako and Lup did things as usual: worked the job well, nothing extra, and spoke their gossip in Elvish so the humans didn't understand.

What a hell of a way to find out the Surges were half-elves.

The oldest Surge child heard them talk about living under a bridge and invited them to stay for dinner. Lup agreed, because it really wasn't the worst idea to look poor in front of their manager; maybe they'd get free shit out of it. Taako followed her as always. Hell, he'd follow her blindfolded into a volcano if she asked him to.

But the second the two walked into the Surge house, Taako wanted to _leave._

Mister Surge was the elf. Wood elf. Caught on to how young the twins were (humans assumed they were adults, even if they were only thirty) and insisted they stay the night. One night turned into two, which turned into weeks, months, almost a year. Didn't care that Taako and Lup weren't his children, he fed and clothed them all the same. Called them loving names in Elvish, kissed them next to the eye like their aunt used to. Couldn't cook to save his life, but was an incredible baker. He spent time teaching Taako and Lup how to braid their hair in complicated historic Elvish styles, something that they never had the privilege of learning.

Missus Surge was the human. The children all learned how to cook from her. She was getting on in years, but still vibrant and excited over every new thing she found. Her children hovered around her like satellites, thankful and polite in every interaction. She took in Taako and Lup just as gracefully as her husband did. Brought Taako on her fishing trips, taught him how to get the biggest yields. Brought Lup with her when she visited the city, taught her how to haggle instead of steal. Never struck any of her children.

Mister and Missus Surge were stupidly in love, even after forty years. Disgustingly domestic. They told the story of how they met at every opportunity; Mister Surge had run away from an Elvish settlement after taking his adult name, and his horse was spooked by Missus Surge's dog. He didn't have the heart to be mad at her, instead offered her a loaf of sourdough. They married a year later. Taako and Lup gagged at the idea of being loyal to the same person forever. Especially one that wouldn't last half their lifespan. _Kill me if I ever fuck a human,_ Lup said. _Kill me if I ever settle down,_ Taako said.

The house wasn't large, but it took the inclusion of Taako and Lup well. They stayed in the same room as the youngest, who beamed and chirped whenever they gave him attention. Taako and Lup ate every single night, had leftovers the next day. Lup cried when her brother's cheeks filled out and Taako let out a sigh of relief when his sister's ribs stopped showing. They had more than one outfit, and none of them had holes. For the first time in their lives, their shoes fit. Their hair stayed clean and dirt didn't coat their skin. Taako liked to smell like lavender. Lup preferred citrus. It felt like they had separate _identities_ for once, not sharing exactly the same things, not relying on twin tricks to survive. Lup became loud, fun, boisterous; Taako stayed quiet, snarky, observant. Lup was the sun and Taako was the moon--those became the nicknames Mister Surge called them most often. It felt right.

The oldest Surge child still lived with the rest of the family, even though she was married and carried an infant in her arms. The family was dedicated to putting every extra cent into their restaurants. Even if they didn't, the twins got the feeling that the family would still stick together no matter what. Sure, fair enough. Taako and Lup could understand that. The oldest was the best cook, set to surpass her mother in a few years time. She was their manager first, and that air of authority rarely broke down. Still, she comforted Lup when she wasn't burning as brightly and calmed Taako when he wound himself up too tight. Even if she was five years younger than them, she felt like a wise older sister.

The middlest Surge child was sixteen. A bright girl. Not much of a baker or a chef, but had a raw rebellious streak that only teenagers could pull off. Lup taught her how to pierce her ears (much to Missus Surge's chagrin) and the teen showed Lup the wonders of crop tops. The two learned how to walk in heels together. They snuck out at night to pull pranks on the neighbor kids. Lup saw how the middlest kid floundered when around girls, and helped her ask the cute little halfling girl across the street on a date. Lup was right by her side as she told her parents about the new girlfriend, and _of course_ her parents were over the moon. Asked when she could come over for dinner, what food she liked, if they had kissed--and, because of their friendship, Lup knew the answers to all of these questions.

The youngest Surge child was ten years old, and stuck to Taako like glue. No matter how much distance he tried to set between him and the kid, or the amount of teasing Taako subjected the boy to, the kid wouldn't let go. He loved the way Taako flipped pancakes. The boy fell asleep in his arms, learned how to read Elvish from him, and the two learned how to make macaroons together. Taako insisted on walking him to school when the older kids took his allowance. He swore he only did it because the school was on the way to the good market, that this wasn't for the kid's benefit. But that little lie was torn apart when Taako was caught threatening the kid's bullies out back behind the school. Lup wouldn't stop teasing him for weeks.

The Surges loved the twins unconditionally. Even on days when Taako was too irritable to speak. Even on days when Lup took a joke too far. They shared family recipes, ate dinner together, celebrated Candlenights for the first time since they left their aunt's. And, even though this house was heaven, this house was _home,_ Taako stayed restless.

One night, Taako and Lup had a rare moment alone. They sat next to each other on the floor. Potatoes boiled on the stove. They waited for the Surges to get back from a two-day market run. Taako spoke in a barely audible voice and said, "I don't like them."

Lup frowned and ran a hand through his hair. "Why not? Taako, they're the first nice people we've come across."

He scooted away from her. "You know nice people don't exist."

"Even if they're not nice," Lup said, through gritted teeth, "Would you rather be living under the bridge again?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"We can't--Lup, you know we can't trust them." Taako grimaced, arms crossed around his chest. "They're probably--waiting for us to get comfortable. And then they'll spring some bullshit on us. You know they will."

"They're--this is, like, a fucking _suburban_ family, Taako, why would they do that?"

Taako clicked his tongue. "Hmm, could be cultists."

Lup raised a brow. "Evidence?"

"Don't need it." Taako popped his joints and rolled his shoulders. "Just have this _feeling."_

"Taako, you walk Reutbier to school, like, _every day."_  She moved to sit closer to him, hip against hip. "He's like a brother to you."

"I don't have any brothers, just the _one_   sister." He put on an over-exaggerated smile and tapped Lup's nose.

Lup grumbled. "I've got a sister too, now."

Taako gasped in mock-surprise. "Funny, I don't remember transitioning."

_"Taako."_

He rolled his eyes and shrugged. "Whatever. It doesn't matter, we can stay."

"Are you sure?" Lup smiled.

"Are _you_   sure?" Taako squinted.

Lup looked down at the tile floor and broke off some chipped grout. "I'd like to stay, yeah." It wasn't the answer Taako wanted to hear, but it was Lup's honest answer. So, in some fucked up way, that _was_ what he wanted to hear.

He sighed and pushed himself off the floor to check the potatoes. His eyes flicked from the pot to Lup a few times before he answered. "Then, yes. I'm sure."

Which sounded fake, but okay.

Lup decided not to bring it back up again.

Instead, she watched.

She watched the way Taako flinched when Mister Surge pat him on the back. She watched how Taako frowned when Missus Surge praised his baking. She watched how Taako ran away from the oldest child and her baby. She watched the middlest child ask Taako a question, only to be given bad advice on purpose. She watched Taako ignore the youngest more than ever. And, most of all, she watched how the Surge family corrected their behavior and wordlessly accommodated Taako the best they could. And she knew, deep in her mind, that if Lup was the one that was skittish, the Surges would accommodate her the same way.

Lup knew when to indulge Taako and when to reign him in. He knew how to do the same to her--a side effect of spending so much time reliant on each other. But, this irrational fear of family? Lup didn't know what to do with it. Should she follow him, or should she make him follow her? Should they stay? Should they leave? Should they-- _gods forbid_ \--separate?

Half of her wanted to stay. They wouldn't starve here. They had a room, and a roof, and a family. Fuck, they had a _family._ And they were _nice._ The Surges didn't care if they weren't related by blood. They didn't know where the twins came from, didn't care. Barely ever asked. More concerned with their life _now--Good morning, Lup, is Taako coming down for breakfast? Can you bring a plate up to him if he can't?_ When they told Lup they loved her, she believed it. Lup loved them back. The Surges did everything in their power to make the twins feel at home. And Lup _did._ But the problem was, Taako _didn't._ But Taako would eventually settle into the home life. He'd have to. Right?

Half of her _needed_ to leave. Half of her saw what it did to her brother. What the Surges did to her brother. They were nice to him, nicer than she was. And when it unsettled Taako, it unsettled Lup. He had tried his best to adjust. He really tried. But he still shook in his sleep and winced when showed affection. Lup became the only person who could touch him. And, fuck, the Surges understood that--but it didn't matter. It wasn't working. Lup knew it wouldn't matter if they left this family. Taako was all the family she needed.

Lup woke Taako in the middle of the night, a bag slung over her shoulder.

"We're getting out of here."

Taako didn't need to be told twice.

After staying there for nearly a year, Lup and Taako knew exactly where the valuables were. Lup couldn't help but feel bad, but they wouldn't last a week if they didn't take _some_ things. Only took things that were high in monetary value, and only as much as they needed. They made sure to leave what was emotionally valuable, like the family's good silverware set. Lup remembered Missus Surge made an offhand comment about hating their china set, though, so she took it even though it was bulky and wasn't worth so much.

Lup was halfway out the window, bag full of valuables, when a voice stopped them.

"Lup? Taako?"

It was Missus Surge, standing in her nightclothes. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and stared the twins down. Lup looked down at the floor, guilty. Taako still stood upright, not phased.

"Ma'am--we--" Lup started, but was cut off by the woman crying, as if she just lost two children.

After a minute, she stopped. Taako and Lup didn't move the entire time. Missus Surge sniffled. She blinked the tears out of her eyes and walked to the kitchen. Came out with as much food as her arms could carry and laid it in Taako's arms. "I'm sorry it wasn't enough." She kissed both of them, right next to the eye, just like their aunt used to. "Take care of each other."

Lup's eyes snapped to Taako. He was thinking. Weighing his options. And Lup saw the gears turning in his head. Maybe this was her chance. Maybe this was _their_ chance. Because Lup always figured out who was safe to trust, but never stayed without Taako's approval. Even when he messed up and ran away from somebody who _obviously_ didn't mean them any harm, Lup stuck to his opinion. Never occurred to her not to.

But maybe today would be different.

Half of her wanted him to apologize, throw his arms around the woman and go back to sleep. Because this place was perfect, this place was _home._ But half of her had been through this enough times to know his answer.

Taako nodded and put the food into his bag. "We will."

"Would you want to leave out the front? I don't want you to hurt yourselves."

Missus Surge took a few more minutes, outfitting the twins with as much as she could afford to give them. She led them to the front door and waved them away. Like they were going to the market, and not robbing and leaving her. _Was it really robbing if she wanted us to do it?_ As they left, she told the twins she loved them. Lup and Taako didn't answer. They just kept walking.

Out of all the murderers, backstabbers, traitors, and liars that Lup and Taako stayed with, the Surges were the worst.

**Author's Note:**

> do ya'll remember the part in unfortunate events where the baudelaires live across the street from literally the perfect guardian but they have to live in the shitty mansion instead? that's what i was thinking about as i wrote this part. except it's much worse here because the twins brought this on themselves i'm SORRY  
> (also, was this an elaborate plot to put a character named root beer surge in a fic, you were FOOLED)  
> day 3 of twinsweek!! Hey, tomorrow's prompt is a wildcard, so I'll be putting up a chapter of one of my existing longfics (the chapter is VERY twins centric, and if you already follow my work......you probably know what's up) but i won't be putting it on the collections page so just, keep an eye out on my tumblr (fantasysamsclub) for updates! thanks for reading!


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